Waiting to Exhale

My heart is beating so fast and my fingers can barely keep up with the words in my head. I wish I was eloquent enough to make some poetic announcement, but I’m not…so here it is:

We were chosen this week.

Some expectant mother has read our profile, looked at our “look book” and this past Wednesday morning, she made the decision to selflessly gift US the greatest gift and the greatest news we’ve received in a REALLY long time.

We are FINALLY going to be parents.

We are going to BE parents.

We ARE parents.

I got the phone call from our social worker around 9:30am and SCREAMED when I got off the phone. I haven’t screamed for joy like that since Jay & I got married…7 long years ago! My co-workers circled around me, crying and cheering and crying some more. I needed to tell Jay. I walked over to the school (with my posse of co-workers behind me, cameras in tow) and walked into Jay’s classroom.

The wide-eyed look of disbelief on his face was priceless. “We’re going to be parents!” He couldn’t believe it. His smile was the biggest I’ve seen in years, it was the smile of a father.

Jay told his class and they cheered so loudly, they were SO excited that we were finally going to be parents. The news trickled through the school halls and we were FINALLY able to live in THAT moment of announcing the very announcement we had grieved through so many times before.

I texted my family and our closest friends – tempering the news a little with the reality that this expectant mother COULD still change her mind before birth or up to 7 days afterwards. The mother is due any day now, already 3cm dilated, so our lives are about to change for ever…any day…now. Until then, we are anxiously excited and praying that God is writing BOTH of our stories for the better and that HIS will be done and HIS peace be given to ALL of us in this whole process.

I catch myself tempering my excitement and not allowing myself to fully believe it’s real because of the looming reality of a changed mind, and then someone very wise stopped me and said…this is YOUR moment…finally! We need to live in the JOY of THIS moment. We shouldn’t discount the joy by the fear or doubt of what “could be”. God will provide us the strength to deal with that reality if and when it comes.

So today…I’m choosing joy. I’m choosing to live in that joy as I type this and I’m choosing to live in that joy as we get ready now to meet the bravest, most loving woman I know. This morning, we will meet this wonderful expectant mother and we will hopefully attempt to share with her the enormous LOVE and RESPECT we have for her.

She is breathing redemption and grace into our broken hearts and for that we will forever honor and LOVE her by raising this sweet baby.

Our sweet baby.

Our sweet baby boy.

Praise Jesus.

13 thoughts on “Waiting to Exhale

  1. April of A. Liz Adventures

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    That is all I can say! I’m speechless and SO EXCITED for you guys … parents in a few days … what an enormous blessing, Jess! Please keep us all posted, just so thrilled for y’all. Sending good thoughts & prayers for a wonderful experience for all involved. 🙂

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  2. Lorena

    Congratulations! What exciting news! The person who told you to enjoy the moment was indeed very wise. We almost adopted twin baby boys and spent two weeks hanging in limbo as the mother considered changing her mind once she found out that she was expecting twins. I went back and forth between joy and fear until someone said to me, “If it doesn’t work out, you will be just as upset whether or not you allow yourself to be excited, and if it does work out, this is your only opportunity to experience this, so enjoy it!” And I did. Although in our situation, the mother changed her mind (this was a unique situation in which she didn’t know she was pregnant with twins until she was about 7 months along, not like yours), I still look back on those weeks of hope and joy with fondness, and I am glad I allowed myself to enjoy it.
    Praying for you and your husband, baby boy, and the birth mom!

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  3. Mandie Strickler

    Oh my gosh Jess and Jay! This is so amazing!! We are so utterly and truly excited for you guys… Aahhh!!!! The Lord is so good!! Congrats you guys!!!

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  4. Taylor

    Oh my goodness CONGRATULATIONS!!! I teared up reading this and I am just so happy for you two. I know how much you have wanted this and you two are just so deserving of this incredible blessing. Thank you Lord for this!!

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  5. Nicole

    i feel so much thankful joy right now! your prayers have been heard, my beautiful ones. overwhelmed. i could not paint more beautiful parents with any words i’ve heard…God, I love you guys
    !!!!

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  6. Valerie Hlavacek

    Tears of joy again for you! So thrilled for you and Jay! You two are going to be fabulous parents and this is one LUCKY baby to have you two. I am just in awe of God’s grace and just so darn excited for you!!!!!!! You are so deserving of this joy my friend!

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  7. Iline Branham

    Just Over Joyed With The Good News, I Cried!
    Trust in The Lord sweet Jessie. Keep your eyes on him.
    Uncle Kenny and I treasurer your wonderful news.
    So Bountiful for Thanksgiving.
    God Bless You All!

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  8. Charlene Davis

    Just got off the phone with your mom! I’m super excited and can’t wait to love, hold and kiss his precious face!! We will be praying for you guys!! Love you and Jay so much!!

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  9. Pingback: Still Here. | Lovely Huckleberry

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